Origins

Food for Thought

by James R. Watson

"Do you have reservations?"

"Yes, but I’m sure they’re unfounded. I’ll eat here anyway."

I’d just finished a long, hard day of putting commas between items in series, and had stopped off at the Café Étomologique for a quick bite. I was too weary to think of an original joke. The waiter sat me at a small table near the kitchen door. Oh well, the food would get here that much quicker. I picked up the menu.

What kind of exotic fare do they serve here anyway? Crow Delight? Humble Pie? I signalled for the waiter to explain the menu.

"Ah, yes, Humble Pie... Well, sir, you’ve heard of venison?" I had. That’s eating Bambi. "Well, in days gone by, venison was big in England. With the help of their servants, all the lords would run around like mad on their estates, shoot the deer, and return home for a wonderful dinner of fresh venison."

"What about the servants?" I asked, seemingly on cue.

"Excellent segué, sir, if I may say so. The servants would eat all the leftover deer parts: heart, liver, entrails. The less-desirable innards were called umbles. Our Humble Pie comes from that very recipe. We lovingly sauté deer entrails in a red wine sauce and serve it wrapped in a delicate pastry—perfect if you’re feeling ashamed."

The "Crow Delight" didn’t sound much better, but I asked nonetheless.

"If you’re feeling defeated, you simply must eat crow—a bird that is as tasty as it is melodious. It's one of our domestic dishes from a recipe allegedly discovered during the War of 1812. A Brit had caught an American shooting a crow on the wrong side of the border. He talked the Yank into handing over his gun, then used it to force the fellow to take a big bite out of the crow and swallow it. Needless to say, once the American had his gun back, he forced the Brit to eat the rest of the bird."

I decided that if the waiter was telling me to eat crow, I should take it with a grain of salt.

People have tried to take things with a grain of salt since Roman times, when Pompey claimed to have discovered a poison antidote that needed to be taken with a grain of salt. I suppose that after a few deaths by poisoning following his briny remedy, some people may have doubted his medical credentials.

The prospect of eating humble pie or crow, even if taken with a grain of salt, was not whetting my appetite. Politely, I ran screaming from the café and dashed into the nearest fast-food restaurant.

From behind the counter, the pimply faced youth in the striped shirt interrupted my order. "By the way, sir, do you know where the word 'Whopper' comes from? It seems that in ancient Mesopotamia...."

Type to you soon. Until then, remember that you are what you say.