Humour

"Road Blocks"

by Ingrid Berljawsky

The construction of clear, uncluttered prose frequently requires the removal of a "road block", an impediment to understanding text. Below are some of those blocks we've found. We hope you'll share our chuckles and learn a little too.

1. food cooking equipment:
   the practice of cannibalism has been discontinued
2. preventive maintenance:
   if it's not preventive, it's not maintenance; it's repair
3. being of assistance to...:
   help! you need somebody.
4. irregardless of whether or not:
   a.k.a. the quadruple redundancy
5. within the maximum limit:
   either you're in or you're out
6. the right-hand margin:
   this discrimination against feet must end
7. a modified procedure of the process:
   methinks a change is needed here
8. It must be emphasized that...:
   try cough drops, or a larger vocabulary
9. the remoteness of the user:
   is he un-user-friendly or on a desert island?
10. utilize:
    use only if being paid by the letter
11. to print a report, a printer is required:
    better yet: it goes without saying that to print a report, a printer is required
12. the next higher approving authority:
    now you tell me what direction to go in
13. obtain the correct description and price:
    from the author of the cookbook that tells you to "take a clean pan and wipe it with a clean cloth."
14. it may happen that...:
    "once upon a time, long long ago, in a far-away kingdom, on a dark and stormy night..."