Origins

The Clothes Make the Saying

by S. D. Liddiard

My companion and I had been invited to a cocktail party at her employer's house. It promised to be an elegant affair; the man is on the board of the local operatic society and has friends and acquaintances in all the right places.

I had resurrected my old tuxedo from its ignominious place in the basement closet. After a good cleaning and only minor alterations, it looked pretty good. The wonderful thing about tuxedos is their absolute timelessness. My companion, on the other hand, had gone shopping. She stalked the most expensive dress shops in town for three weeks before she settled on an outfit. I never found out how much it cost.

I waited in the living room while my partner finished her preparations, trying hard not to watch the clock. It is not always a good idea to worry about punctuality. I knew better than to express impatience, but as our departure time approached, I couldn't restrain myself from inquiring about my friend's progress.

"Keep your shirt on. I'll be ready in a minute!" she exclaimed

"You're talking through your hat," I replied.

"What?" She sounded truly puzzled.

"I'll believe that when I see you in here in 60 seconds."

"Oh, shut up!"

And I did. Half an hour later, she made her entrance. I'll have to ask you to keep this under your hat, but I admit that it was worth the effort she put into it. She really knocked my socks off. In a sleek, peach silk sheath and matching pumps, she was truly stunning. She smiled brightly and did a turn for me. I couldn't help beaming in response. Then she looked around the room.

"Where is it?" she asked.

"What?" I sounded truly puzzled.

"The gift. Where is it?"

"What gift?"

"This is a housewarming party. You said you'd pick up a gift."

Realization dawned suddenly and painfully. I now dimly recollected making such a promise. Curse me for a fool. Now what would I do? Time to put my thinking cap on. It was too late to pick up something at a decent retail store. There was no way I could foist a cheesy gift from the local convenience store on someone like my love's boss.

Then, like a bolt from the blue, I had the solution. I grabbed a roll of wrapping paper from the closet and ran into the kitchen. Before I could be stopped, I had wrapped up our fine pair of salt and pepper mills, complete with their contents. When I had finished, I looked over my shoulder to a pair of crossed arms and a knowing shake of the head.

"He won't be fooled, you know."

"If he isn't, I'll eat my hat. In fact, I'll bet he's overwhelmed at our thoughtfulness for having filled them up."

She just laughed. When it came to it, her boss did express pleased surprise. If he suspected anything, he never let on. Do you think I was wrong to pass off our used (though only slightly) kitchenware as new? It wasn't what I would have liked to do, but under the circumstances, I don't know how much better we could have done. Unless you've been in a similar situation, I'd ask you not to judge me till you've walked a mile in my shoes.

This tale contains a number of expressions that concern clothing. Here are the explanations of their origins:

Keep your shirt on means "don't get excited." It originated in the 19th century when men wore stiff, starched shirts (even more uncomfortable than the one I wore with my tuxedo) that were invariably removed before a fight. It probably started as an admonition from someone trying to stop a battle.

To put one's thinking cap on means "take time to think something over." It may have its origins in the 17th century when jurists and other scholars commonly wore tight-fitting, square caps. An English judge of this era would put on his "considering cap" before passing sentence in all cases.

Talking through one's hat means "talking nonsense" and has been attributed to the Democratic opponents of the United States' 23rd President, Benjamin Harrison, in the presidential campaign of 1888. As he was only 5 feet, 6 inches tall, Democrats called him "Little Ben"; Republicans replied that he was big enough to wear the hat of his grandfather, William Henry Harrison, the 9^th President, to which the Democrats responded that when he gave speech, he was just "talking through his hat."

To keep something under your hat means "to keep something confidential." This expression is apparently more recent than most people think — 1923. It was first recorded in P. G. Wodehouse's The Inimitable Jeeves.

To eat one's hat means "to do something disagreeable and unlikely if an event of which one is certain should not occur (or vice versa)." The Oxford English Dictionary credits the first appearance of this expression to an unnamed piece by Miss E. E. Money in 1887.

It knocked my socks off means "to startle and delight." It may derive from early 20th century cartoons that showed startled characters popping out of their socks and shoes.

The expression Don't criticize someone until you've walked a mile in his shoes has been attributed to an unnamed North American First Nation. Originally it was Never criticize a man until you've walked a mile in his moccasins. It means "a person's circumstances may explain behaviour that seems to deserve reproach."

My companion is on the best of terms with her employer and he has expressed his gratitude for our thoughtful gift on more than one occasion. Each time she has recounted his compliments to me she can't help ending her sentence with a "tsk."

S. D. Liddiard has studied French, German, Latin, Russian, psychology, and linguistics, which have all fed his interest in the English language. To this day, he can lose a couple of hours in an etymological dictionary without noticing the time passing. Despite this, he has only been earning a living at writing for four years.